For teachers, youth ministers, camp counselors, coaches, and anyone else who works with young people:
Myth #1: Kids don't know if you have favorites. Kids are astute and very sensitive to any instances of injustice. If you have kids you call on more frequently than others, kids you trust with special tasks more often, kids whose names you mention frequently in stories you share with the group, it is not a stretch for them to believe those children are more important to you than they are. Even if you believe certain students have warranted this favoritism because of their dedication or talent; even is you believe every child had equal access to your affection and some earned it through their choices; even if you believe you are being subtle in your favoritism, I will promise you, you are kidding yourself. Of course you like some children more than others - that is only natural - but if the children can tell who you like best, you are doing the job WRONG and the consequences for their lives can be dire!
Challenge yourself to ask the invisible child to take on a leadership role you have a dozen go-getters scrambling for. Challenge yourself to know something specific about every child you teach and to discuss that with them at least once a week. "How did your game go last night?" "When is your next Live Action Role Play event?" "Have you decided what piece you are doing at speech contest?" "Which is your favorite character in GTA 5?" One sentence, once a week will make that child feel like he matters as much as all the other kids. One sentence, once a week could be the difference between a child feeling alienated and a child feeling like he truly belongs.
Myth #2: Some kids want to sit alone. No kid wants to be alone but many kids pretend because looking like you want to sit by yourself is less humiliating than looking rejected. Teachers, look for the kids sitting alone at lunch. Youth ministers, look for the young people reading the bulletin board announcements, apparently transfixed by news of the upcoming quilting bee. Those children are dying inside while you pretend they are artistic loners. Talk to them, but do more than that, get another kid, a nice kid to talk to them. Please understand this one act may be life-changing or even life-saving for that child.
Myth #3: I can't be responsible for making every shy kid feel better about herself. I have a lot of students and at some point kids need to be responsible for their own socialization.
By very nature of your position you ARE responsible for every child whose life you touch. EVERY child. If you cannot be held responsible for all of them, find another job. You have an obligation to make every child feel like she matters. You cannot teach a child who doesn't feel he matters and until he feels he matters, he cannot connect with others. In addition, you have an obligation to teach the more outgoing children in your classroom how to focus on others, how to be kind and empathetic, how to notice who is in need. If you can do that, you can change the world.
Final Thoughts: What you do matters. What you help kids do for each other matters even more. Go out of your way for every child and teach them to go out of their way for each other. Every child has something about them worth loving. Love them all and give them your best every day.
