Myths We Tell Ourselves About Kids

For teachers, youth ministers, camp counselors, coaches, and anyone else who works with young people:

Myth #1: Kids don't know if you have favorites.  Kids are astute and very sensitive to any instances of injustice. If you have kids you call on more frequently than others, kids you trust with special tasks more often, kids whose names you mention frequently in stories you share with the group, it is not a stretch for them to believe those children are more important to you than they are. Even if you believe certain students have warranted this favoritism because of their dedication or talent; even is you believe every child had equal access to your affection and some earned it through their choices; even if you believe you are being subtle in your favoritism, I will promise you, you are kidding yourself. Of course you like some children more than others - that is only natural - but if the children can tell who you like best, you are doing the job WRONG and the consequences for their lives can be dire!

Challenge yourself to ask the invisible child to take on a leadership role you have a dozen go-getters scrambling for. Challenge yourself to know something specific about every child you teach and to discuss that with them at least once a week. "How did your game go last night?" "When is your next Live Action Role Play event?" "Have you decided what piece you are doing at speech contest?" "Which is your favorite character in GTA 5?" One sentence, once a week will make that child feel like he matters as much as all the other kids. One sentence, once a week could be the difference between a child feeling alienated and a child feeling like he truly belongs.

Myth #2: Some kids want to sit alone. No kid wants to be alone but many kids pretend because looking like you want to sit by yourself is less humiliating than looking rejected. Teachers, look for the kids sitting alone at lunch. Youth ministers, look for the young people reading the bulletin board announcements, apparently transfixed by news of the upcoming quilting bee. Those children are dying inside while you pretend they are artistic loners. Talk to them, but do more than that, get another kid, a nice kid to talk to them. Please understand this one act may be life-changing or even life-saving for that child.

Myth #3: I can't be responsible for making every shy kid feel better about herself. I have a lot of students and at some point kids need to be responsible for their own socialization.
By very nature of your position you ARE responsible for every child whose life you touch. EVERY child. If you cannot be held responsible for all of them, find another job. You have an obligation to make every child feel like she matters. You cannot teach a child who doesn't feel he matters and until he feels he matters, he cannot connect with others. In addition, you have an obligation to teach the more outgoing children in your classroom how to focus on others, how to be kind and empathetic, how to notice who is in need. If you can do that, you can change the world.

Final Thoughts: What you do matters. What you help kids do for each other matters even more. Go out of your way for every child and teach them to go out of their way for each other. Every child has something about them worth loving. Love them all and give them your best every day.

School Reform

In recent years we have all heard a great deal about school reform, about how everything will be magically better once a series of standards are fully implemented and tests properly aligned to those standards. People have strong feelings about this issue. Some swear all will be well with education again and we will suddenly be able to race past all those nations who weed their children out early and refuse to teach everyone. Some swear it will be the ruin of life as we know it on this planet as we turn children into robots in pursuit of some Bradburyesqe future.

The truth is neither side is correct. There is both good and bad in the reforms themselves - things I love, and things I could do without as a teacher - but these reforms are inconsequential compared to other issues in education. They excite me a little, trouble me a little, but do not take up nearly as much of my metal energy as other concerns.

The fact is NOTHING CHANGES IN EDUCATION UNTIL HOW WE THINK ABOUT CHILDREN CHANGES. Without this at the forefront, the rest is all just packaging. I am taking a class that has asked me to consider my why. Why do I teach? I know my why. I teach because every child is deserving of love and attention and every child needs a quality education in order to achieve his or her dreams. I teach because the learning and growth of children is essential to the quality of the nation in which I live. I teach because I love. I teach because I love.

Given the strains of the job and the profound demands it places, on the mind, heart, and soul, I do not believe it can be done with any other why as a guiding force. We must, therefore, as a nation, accept this why as the primary purpose for our public education system or we will get no where. We can tinker with curriculum and examine the data all we want but if we cannot say that every teacher teaching in America today believes every child is worth the effort, every child is capable of growth, and every child has a better chance with a quality education, then we will make no headway in the improvement of the system as a whole.

Furthermore, it is essential we all understand the definition of the word "every." Every does not mean only the compliant. Every does not mean, we will care IF their parents care first. Every does not mean only the child who seems to want to learn. Every does not mean only the child who treats me with respect. Every means all children, no exceptions. If you have spent any time in a classroom, you will understand why this is a tall order but every child will eventually be an adult active in our society. As a high school teacher, I am possibly the gatekeeper who will in some small way determine what path that child will travel and whether his contribution to this society is positive or negative. If I am not committed to helping every child choose the right path, I am dooming my nation to mediocrity.